To: Chef Des Trains, Ruritanian Railways
From: Outdoor Superintendent
Most esteemed Sir
Be pleased to inform His Serene Highness that today all main lines and loops have been tested with trains run along them for the purposes of verifying electrical continuity. All points were proven operationally sound and ballast confirmed invisible. The defective reed switch identified earlier this week has been replaced and proven operational. The new platforms will require further "tweaking" as clearances for axles and cylinder blocks were minimal at best in certain locations. We shall attend to this in due course in connection with station lighting tests.
My staff also took the opportunity to spruce up the border station, including sand blasting "The Stig". I am pleased to report that his helmet is now shiny. I attach a picture for your information:
As requested, testing took place in secrecy to protect the royal identities of those driving. As a diversion, our new "secret weapon" was revealed to the press at Zenda station. Standards of comfort were noted to be greatly superior to that provided on Ryanair flights to Zenda airport and the lighting (with free welders' goggles) much admired. We may, I think, look forward to significant things from this extra-long unit:
I regret that complete secrecy could not be maintained concerning the test trains as two watchers were spotted just over the border. Although they disappeared quickly as our patrol approached the borderline, I fear that pictures of the test trains may have been obtained. I enclose a picture of those concerned in anticipation that they will be denied entry and overyflying rights in future:
God Save Prince Rudolf!