More Humor

pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
IMG-20200628-WA0017.jpg.dcdf317b9c8c33b3b88f5dd861924bb6.jpg
 
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
post-1328-0-31050100-1500737357.jpg
 
Rhinochugger

Rhinochugger

Retired Oik
27 Oct 2009
28,118
North West Norfolk
Nice try, but wouldn't hold up in a UK court - tort of nuisance; and the test case was Sturges and Bridgman in 1879 (the pestle and mortar case ) although I wasn't there at the time, but my grandmother was ;);)
 
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
Nice try, but wouldn't hold up in a UK court - tort of nuisance; and the test case was Sturges and Bridgman in 1879 (the pestle and mortar case ) although I wasn't there at the time, but my grandmother was ;);)
Oh the laws of tort, I was taught some basics when I did my 'tec course in business studies. An impassible minefield even to some who are qualified :shake:
 
Madman

Madman

Registered
25 Oct 2009
13,767
Pennsylvania, USA
Subject: Don't mess with an old lady

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500".
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $2,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady wanted to know why ...
The teller returned her bank card and irritably told her, “These are the rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a line behind you.”
The old lady remained silent for a few seconds, then handed the card back to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and respectfully told her, “My apologies Ma'am, you have $35 million in your account and our bank doesn't have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?
The old lady then asked how much she could withdraw immediately.
The teller told her any amount up to $250,000.
"Well, please let me have $250,000 now", she requested. The teller did so quickly, then handed it very friendly and respectfully to her elderly client.
The old lady put $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $249,500 back into her account.
Don't be difficult with old people, they spent a lifetime learning the skills.
 
Madman

Madman

Registered
25 Oct 2009
13,767
Pennsylvania, USA
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dunnyrail

dunnyrail

DOGS, Garden Railways, Steam Trains, Jive Dancing,
25 Oct 2009
17,811
72
St.Neots Cambridgeshire UK
Bill Barnwell

Bill Barnwell

Registered
30 Sep 2017
739
76
Ormond Beach, Fl
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
 
dunnyrail

dunnyrail

DOGS, Garden Railways, Steam Trains, Jive Dancing,
25 Oct 2009
17,811
72
St.Neots Cambridgeshire UK
Our teacher asked what my favorite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."
She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.
I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals ........very much.

I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office.
I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.
The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal was.
I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.
She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.
I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.

I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...
Yup should have said Co. Stephens, likely the teacher would never have heard of him and still sent kid to principal for being facitious.
 
Rhinochugger

Rhinochugger

Retired Oik
27 Oct 2009
28,118
North West Norfolk
Yup should have said Co. Stephens, likely the teacher would never have heard of him and still sent kid to principal for being facitious.
I didn't know Colonel Stephens fried chicken - Sussex Fried Chicken somehow doesn't have the same ring to it ............. :nerd::nerd::nerd:
 
Madman

Madman

Registered
25 Oct 2009
13,767
Pennsylvania, USA
Just for a smile

* Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.
* I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.
* I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.
* Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom
* PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.
* Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.
* I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone
* This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.
* So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?
* Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.
* (My favorite) My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.
* Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.
* I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?
* I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.
* Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.
* Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.
* Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under.....
 
dunnyrail

dunnyrail

DOGS, Garden Railways, Steam Trains, Jive Dancing,
25 Oct 2009
17,811
72
St.Neots Cambridgeshire UK
I didn't know Colonel Stephens fried chicken - Sussex Fried Chicken somehow doesn't have the same ring to it ............. :nerd::nerd::nerd:
Shropshire or Montgomery may work but certainly not Kent. Though Welsh Highland Fried Chicken certainly has a ring to it?
 
Rhinochugger

Rhinochugger

Retired Oik
27 Oct 2009
28,118
North West Norfolk
Shropshire or Montgomery may work but certainly not Kent. Though Welsh Highland Fried Chicken certainly has a ring to it?
Actually, yes his office was in Kent - Tunbridge Wells, I think :think::think: