More Humor

David1226

David1226

Registered
24 Oct 2009
4,582
70
Abingdon, Oxfordshire
It's a shame that such a carefully scripted jokes should contain a schoolboy spelling error - part of the joke is its presentation.

Hey ho :smoke::smoke:
Yeah, kids today huh, the writer probably has a degree in English.

David
 
PhilP

PhilP

G Scale, 7/8th's, Electronics
5 Jun 2013
26,480
Tamworth, Staffs.
Yeah, kids today huh, the writer probably has a degree in English.

David
Ah! But if they have a degree... They probably pronounce it 'Ing-leash'.. :(

Aristocraft wiring, in the 'humour' section??

Yep, it is always hilarious! :giggle::cry::rolleyes:
 
voodoopenguin

voodoopenguin

Retired
20 Jul 2015
1,107
68
Blofield, Norfolk
I tried to donate blood once, never again, too many questions :- whose blood is it, where did it come from, why is it in a bucket.

Paul
 
Eaglecliff

Eaglecliff

Registered
19 Jul 2010
1,197
Derby, England
I tried to donate blood once, never again, too many questions :- whose blood is it, where did it come from, why is it in a bucket.

Paul
“A pint? That’s nearly an armful. I’m not going round with an empty arm for anybody.” (That’s the best I can remember at short notice of Hancock’s response to the doctor at the blood donor session.
 
David1226

David1226

Registered
24 Oct 2009
4,582
70
Abingdon, Oxfordshire
“A pint? That’s nearly an armful. I’m not going round with an empty arm for anybody.” (That’s the best I can remember at short notice of Hancock’s response to the doctor at the blood donor session.
Oh well, is that it then, can I have my tea and biscuits now.
Mr Hancock, that was just a smear.
It might be just a smear to you chum, it's life or death to some poor soul.

David
 
PhilP

PhilP

G Scale, 7/8th's, Electronics
5 Jun 2013
26,480
Tamworth, Staffs.
For those who have not got a clue as to what we are on about:

 
ped

ped

N/A
13 Dec 2009
863
Anglesey,North Wales
Blonde and Brunette walking down high street, Brunette see's her boyfriend going into flower shop, she turns to blonde and says,, Oh no, my boyfriends buying me flowers again, I suppose i will have to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air, Blonde says, have'nt you got a vase
 
P

Paul M

Registered
25 Oct 2016
5,247
57
Royston
Blonde and Brunette walking down high street, Brunette see's her boyfriend going into flower shop, she turns to blonde and says,, Oh no, my boyfriends buying me flowers again, I suppose i will have to spend the weekend on my back with my legs in the air, Blonde says, have'nt you got a vase
Can someone explain?
 
idlemarvel

idlemarvel

Neither idle nor a marvel
13 Jul 2015
2,291
Ascot
ped

ped

N/A
13 Dec 2009
863
Anglesey,North Wales
Paddy is sat at bar in pub, Landlord says your glass is empty paddy, would you like another one
Paddy looks confused and says, why the feck would i want two empty glasses
 
voodoopenguin

voodoopenguin

Retired
20 Jul 2015
1,107
68
Blofield, Norfolk
I seem to have mislaid the caption for this so you will have to use your imagination. ;)

EduaA5kX0AAQ3jl.jpg

Paul
 
Brixham

Brixham

No buffers were hurt at this sign
27 Aug 2010
1,208
Unknown Lady #1....I'm an O gauge model railway fan

Unknown Lady #2....we have a ground level 12 1/4 inch line

Malcolm

PS All Fake News.....
 
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
image.jpeg.1a3deb41dae1c581c3a454c22d33337e.jpeg
 
  • Haha
Reactions: 1 user
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
unnamed.jpg
 
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
tapatalk_1592490473294.jpeg.c4738777fc3a9231bc3c454a600bff4c.jpeg
 
GAP

GAP

G Scale Trains, HO Trains
A local police station received this question from a resident through the feedback section of a local Police website:

"I would like to know how it is possible for police officers to continually harass people and get away with it?"

In response, a Sergeant posted this reply:

First of all, let me tell you this... it's not easy. In the rural area we average one cop for every 505 people. Only about 60 per cent of those cops are on general duty where we do most of our harassing.

The rest are in non-harassing units that do not allow them contact with the day to day innocents. At any given moment, only one-fifth of the 60 per cent of general duties are on duty and available for harassing people while the rest are off duty. So, roughly, one cop is responsible for harassing about 6000 residents.

When you toss in the commercial business and tourist locations that attract people from other areas, sometimes you have a situation where a single cop is responsible for harassing 15,000 or more people a day.

Now, your average eight-hour shift runs 28,800 seconds long. This gives a cop two-thirds of a second to harass a person, and then only another third of a second to drink an iced coffee AND then find a new person to harass. This is not an easy task. To be honest, most cops are not up to the challenge day in and day out. It is just too tiring. What we do is utilise some tools to help us narrow down those people we can realistically harass.

PHONE: People will call us up and point out things that cause us to focus on a person for special harassment. "My neighbour is beating his wife" is a code phrase used often. This means we'll come out and give somebody some special harassment. Another popular one is, "There's a guy breaking into a house." The harassment team is then put into action.

CARS: We have special cops assigned to harass people who drive. They like to harass the drivers of fast cars, cars with no insurance or drivers with no licences and the like. It's lots of fun when you pick them out of traffic for nothing more obvious than running a red light. Sometimes you get to really heap the harassment on when you find they have drugs in the car, they are drunk, or have an outstanding warrant on file.

LAWS: When we don't have phone or cars, and have nothing better to do, there are actually books that give us ideas for reasons to harass folks. They are called "statutes". These include the Crimes Act, Summary Offences Act, Land Transport Act and a whole bunch of others... They spell out all sorts of things for which you can really mess with people. After you read the law, you can just drive around for a while until you find someone violating one of these listed offences and harass them. Just last week I saw a guy trying to steal a car. Well, the book says that’s not allowed. That meant I had permission to harass this guy.

It is a really cool system that we have set up, and it works pretty well. We seem to have a never-ending supply of folks to harass. And we get away with it. Why? Because, for the good citizens who pay the tab, we try to keep the streets safe for them, and they pay us to "harass" some people.

Next time you are in the area, give me the old "single finger wave". That's another one of those codes. It means, "You can harass me." It's one of our favourites.
 
pugwash

pugwash

impecunious pirate
17 Nov 2009
15,846
57
Luxembourg
IMG-20200605-WA0003.jpg.fb5f78da2dd41f9e4a765d99d1cc0bab.jpg